Constant Rain
More random rants, thoughts, and impromptu storiesArchive for October, 2009
Today was a really long day. Now that I am home, and I was really glad to get home, I kind of wish I wasn’t. It’s so quiet.
Finally
I am happy to announce that I am sleepy. I haven’t been sleepy in days and I’m going to pray that I am able to not only fall asleep but stay sleeping until 6am.
On a side note, I’ve decided to ramp back up on the exercise and boy am I sore tonight! that might prove to be a problem in a few hours, but if it is, at least there might be results in the future. I’m just going to keep working and do the best that I can to stay on track. I really need to lose about 20 pounds, which sounds like so much to me right now. I’m going to try not to worry about that so much as just being consistent with the exercise and making healthy choices for food (and that means not vegging out on pizza and cake because it might make me feel better for about 10 minutes). I have been exercising some so I’m going to go full speed ahead, making sure to be consistent and varying my workouts so I don’t get tired of doing the same thing. Tomorrow, I’m headed after work to the dance aerobics class that I go to on Mondays, and it will likely be fun, as usual. Hopefully in the next two months I’ll at least slim up a little so that I can fit my size 10s again. I’d be happy with that and some extra muscle tone. I also don’t like the whole overweight BMI status thing and the ridiculous body fat composition measurement. I just want to be healthy, and this is a step in the right direction. Fitness, here I come!
Also, i got no work done.. I am going to have to figure out what to do about that. 
Time to get to work
Well, now that I’ve spent a couple of sleepless nights stewing about my relationship woes, I’m ready to get to work and focus on something else. So school it is. I’ll report back later.
ARRGH!
Well, I was all calm this morning when I posted but now I’m all amped. I am upset because it amazes me how people seem to assume that because you aren’t super dramatic or that you appear to be quiet and reserved that you must be naive, inexperienced, and whatever else you can come up with. I am in fact none of those things, and even if I don’t say anything, my eyes are always open. I am a feeler and I am very in tune to changes in behaviors. I might not say anything right away but you can bet that I am paying attention. I don’t necessarily ask a lot of questions, but I’m always listening and watching. AND IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW, DAMN IT YOU DO NOW!
End rant.
When I don’t want to talk to anyone in particular, at least not in person, I always find myself turning back to my trusty blog to help me process my thoughts and to vent. Thinking back, that is why I initially started a blog in the first place, in 2004 (the one I deleted in my disappearing act phase), and this one has primarily served that purpose since then. I haven’t written much this year mostly because I’ve been busy with work and school, but I think it would help me to sort out some feelings.
School is at a stand still. I am not being productive and I am unable to focus. I have to figure out how to get past my block before it is too late. I have come too far to let it all go now. I’m just so tired.
I made an effort to open myself up after my last very painful relationship and while it doesn’t appear that it is going to work out, I can’t say that I would have done anything different. I previously said that if I was going to try, then I was going to really do so, without having a wall around me or holding back my feelings. In addition, I said that I would just be me, something I hadn’t been really doing in a couple of years. Well, it was a worthwhile attempt, but maybe it was just a classic case of right person, wrong time, well, depending on who you ask. It wasn’t the wrong time for me. I don’t know. I’d say that maybe it was time for me to step back and just focus on me, but really, I’ve been doing or attempting to do that for years. I say years because even in my last relationship, I was very alone. At any rate, I’m not going to be anxious because I think things will happen in this area when they are supposed to. Maybe they aren’t supposed to. Whatever the case, I will do my best to find contentment.
I’ve had a cold all week and I’m quite annoyed that it seemed to be going away, then I went and got myself all upset and feel like a mess again.
Luckily I have my trusty cat sitting next to me trying to keep me company. She is such a mess, and I’m glad to always have her company. I just wish she’s stop tearing up my blinds. Doesn’t she realize that I have to pay for that crap when we move?!?
I had a pleasant visit last week with my sister and that’s not something I’ve said many times. Like an extended visit. I just remember the last two being so bad that I was worried about this one too. However, we had a nice time, and it was great to have some family around again.
Well, I think those are the gripes for now. I guess I’ll go write something and act like I want to be in school. I do. Really.
CR
